In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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