I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
