I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
