i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize