youre lurking in front of me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
