love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
