I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
