she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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