I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
