Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
