The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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