I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
