Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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