Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize