did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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