ugly people sure do ruin things
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
