And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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