I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
