his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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