she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You left your phone here
Wait...
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