rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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