Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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