Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
