her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
