I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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