dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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