True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
