I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
