I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
