Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
