Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize