just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
