i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
