it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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