Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize