she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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