It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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