haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
