I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
