Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
