I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
