Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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