i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
