P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
