my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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