her vagine was all disorganized.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
