I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
