You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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