If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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