actually, I'm a sock model
I CAN MOONWALK!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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