Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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