Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Congratulations! We have a period
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