Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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