i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
