Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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