All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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