i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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