i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
