Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
