some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
