Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
