it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
