Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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