chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
