Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
