Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
