You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
