You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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