Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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