we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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