For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
