You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
