Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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