Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
