after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
