In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
