True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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