he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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