There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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