Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
