life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
