I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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