finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
