The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
