This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
