thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
