i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
