had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
