I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
