Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
