i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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