Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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