If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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