3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize