Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
40s are totally the cure
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
