we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
