i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
