I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
