i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
