life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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